BOO!

Review: Scream 4

Poor Emma mixed up bees and murderers when it came to staying completely still until they go away

As you may have read from a previous blog my expectations for Scream 4 were pretty low other than the promise of it being "more stabby".

And more stabby it was.

However, what I wasn't prepared for was quite so many LOL moments.

Now it may have been due to a few post-exam afternoon g&ts in the sun - but I really don't want to take any credit from Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson. This was laugh after bloody laugh, with extra ROFL-waffles on the side.

Starting off in that age-old SHOCKING way of a film within a film, the audience need only wait roughly 5mins before the first gruesome gut-busting - WAHEY! (Even better - it's Anna Paquin on the receiving end - a fitting revenge for her part, and accent, in the horrific True Blood.)

And just like - that we're thrust into an onslaught of ghost-face slashings!

You'd think by this stage she'd lose the frightened expression. SURELY.

The story picks back up in the elusive town of Woodsboro (why anyone still lives there is beyond me, like the village in Midsummer Murders) with Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) returning to promote her self-help book (sweet irony) and like the grim reaper, she brings the slaughtering of pretty much every teen in the town.

Fans of the previous 3 films will no doubt be wondering where on earth they plan on taking the plot now, but at least the brains behind this franchise can poke ample fun at themselves. The Scream films started a cult following of slasher-fans, akin to those enamored by the Halloween series, and now they're riding the wave all the way to parody island (which I hear is lovely this time of year.)

The plot and acting is laboured but by GOD is it funny! They're laughing too...

Yes Courtney, we're wondering what you were thinking too...

There are so many humourous aspects to this film I'm having great difficulty deciding on one definitive factor, so instead, here's a few...

• The most perceptive and fearsome police deputy in 10 counties - Officer Dewey (David Arquette). Continually showing up to crime scenes 2 minutes too late and apprehending no suspects, making no arrests and effectively having no purpose in the community at all, it's little wonder anyone's still alive in Woodsboro. BUT HE MEANS WELL, and everyone loves a trier, right?

Dewey has yet to locate the victim. Hmmm if only there were a sign...

• The new cast include the usual assortment of "hotties" and creeps along with what is undeniably a Culkin (of Macauley's clan - did u know there are SEVEN of them?!) Rory Culkin to be precise, along with Emma Roberts (of Julia and Eric's clan), Adam Brody - yon geek aff the O.C and the decidedly masculine Hayden Panetierre, who's gravelly voice and visible adam's apple are somewhat of a distraction throughout.

Where's Wally JUST GOT INTERESTING!

• One of the other most alarming elements of this horror, guts and gore aside, is Courtney Cox's collagen-infused visage. Showing no fear in the face of danger (because she can't) the big screen is no friend of the frozen faced.

He's right to scream if she turns around.

• The moment in which someone (no spoilers here) is stabbed through a letter box.

          Yes, really, a letterbox.

Knock knock. Who's there? STAB!

• The "reveal" scene in which the audience discovers the true identity behind the ghostly mask is particularly amusing, especially when followed by an extended scene of self-mutilation that had our packed cinema in stitches (excuse the pun). And just when you think it's over...oh no, there's more punchy, stabby, shooty action to come. The laughs just don't stop!

Don't get me wrong, the jumpy edge-of-your-seat, nervous-laughter moments are still plentiful as are the blood, guts and gore but never before have I encountered such mass amusement during a "horror" film.

A definite must-see for those seeking a bloody rolicking good time!

Scream 4 is open in cinemas nationwide now.

Games of Thrones

"You win or you die..."

10 reasons to watch HBO's new epic fantasy drama, Games of Thrones, on Sky Atlantic:

1. The story: based on George R.R. Martin's hit fantasy novel series, A Song of Ice and Fire, this medieval fantasy romp brings to life the world of Westeros and the epic conflict between two houses (Stark and Lannister) to assert power. Blood, love, greed, betrayal, corruption - and that's just the beginning...

2. Monday night escapism: Whoever thought of screening this on a Monday should get a pay rise, chase away the Sunday fear and monotonous drudgery of a new working week with a good old dose of fantasy.

3. Sean Bean: Nuff said.

Creepiest one I could find *smirks*

4. Richard Madden: Hottest new talent to come out of Renfrewshire (and how often can you say that?) Madden is set to impress in the pivotal role of Robb Stark, and I'm NOT just saying that because we're childhood friends...*proud face*

I taught him how to smoulder like that. True story.

5.  Mark Addy (King Robert Baratheon) : Dress him up as the King all you want, but I'm sure I'm not the only one smirking in memory of him in The Full Monty, cling-wrapping himself whilst chowing down on a king-sized mars bar. "I've heard of anti-wrinkle cream but I've never heard of anti-fat-bastard cream." (The Full Monty)

"Where for art mine Tesco Clubcard?"

6. The rest of the intensely beautiful cast: Makes for easy watching, innit.

And they say pets look like their owners...

7. Setting: David Benioff and D.B Weiss bring the adventure to life on a backdrop of jaw-dropping scenery and breath-taking fantasy lands that'll make you forget where you are for the entirety of the show.

8. Violence: Who doesn't enjoy a bit of bloody brutality on a Monday night?

9. Sex: Not quite as raunchy as Rome, but more buff bods, butts and boobs than you can shake a medieval stick at.

10. Bite-sized drama: Because who has Lord of the Rings kind of time these days? I mean honestly.

Games of Thrones airs Mondays at 9pm on Sky Atlantic

SCREAM IF YOU WANNA GO FASTERRRRRRR

My reaction to the NCTJ Government syllabus

Have you ever screamed into a pillow? If not - try it now. Feels good, huh?

I'm of the school of thought that considers a good old scream/cry/swear to be essential every now and then in order to release tension, stress and get some crazy out.

Sometimes people need to shake themselves out of the comfortable monotony of daily life and this is a sure-fire way of doing so.

Another is to scare oneself shitless...(do you see where I'm going with this?)

Barrymore getting a prime cover spot regardless to the fact she's gone in the first 10 mins.

"Hey Sydney, what's your favourite scary movie?"and "I'm gonna gut you like a fish" are just a few of the timeless phrases to come from Wes Craven's 1996 slash hit, Scream.

This blockbuster flick was more than just a quote-fest; jam-packed with more dark humour, slick twists and suspense that Ghost-face could shake a carving knife at. Paying notable homage to other films of it's genre, Scream tapped into a whole new generation of blood-thirsty fear-mongers.

So what happens with every mass success: why yes, they make a sequel.

And then another one.

And ten years on from the last? ANOTHER ONE!

(Although don't get me wrong - I'm actually as excited about the prospect of more bloody skullduggery as the next prepubescent boy...)

Same knife. Same mask. Same basic plot.

Ghost-face is back, and he still ain't over it (me thinks someone wasn't hugged enough as a child) and this time he's EVEN STABBIER.

With a new generation of Woodboro High students going under the knife, many questions remain unanswered:

- Why DOES Sydney Prescott (Neve Campbell) keep returning to Woodboro when she's pretty much guaranteed a slicin?
- Why are local retailers still selling the costume? (according to theory, no mask= no stabby)
- Why are we STILL being forced to see David Arquette dressed as Deputy Doofy and take it seriously?

I have no such answers but what I do have is the promise of more edge-of-your-seat suspense, gore and bloody ridiculous escapades.

*SHRIEKS*


Scream 4 is in cinemas nationwide now.

Foo Fighters: Back and Forth



Ever thine, ever mine, Everlong

 The sun was splitting the skies of Glasgow Green on Sunday 24th of August, 2003. With half-bottles smuggled doon breeks and pasty flesh exposed as far as the eye could see, thousands of fans descended upon the crowded green, in expectation of musical excellence at an event imaginatively named "Big Day Out @ The Green".

Years of rockin out on the guitar can cause the affliction "t-rex arm-itis"

With an impressive line-up including PJ Harvey, Queens of the Stoneage and The Red Hot Chili Peppers and humorously, The Electric Six, there I was decked out in my big brother's chili's T (customised to within an inch of it's life) nodding along politely in vague response to the boy chat going on around me, eagerly awaiting my first ever proper gig experience.

So young, so naive, so desperate to find any kind of music that wasn't comprised of prepubescent girly boys...

This is the day I was introduced to one particular band that will forever(long...see what i did there?) hold a place in my heart: Foo Fighters.



Lustrous main+tats+shades+geetar= rockstar. Simple maths.

Nevermind the others, who were amazing don't get me wrong, but given the combination of bitchin' - yet accessible - rock and Dave Grohl's drole banter and cancer jokes - I was sold.

And so it began: the back catalogue was ravished, listened to and loved...and now comes the movie.

GIES

The documentary film chronicles the 16 year history of the Foos: from Grohl's Nirvana beginnnings to their Grammy-winning, multi-platinum, arena and stadium headlining status as one of the biggest rock bands on the planet.

Produced by Nigel Sinclair, who also brought us No Direction Home: Bob Dylan and Amazing Journey: The Story of the Who, Back and Forth also offers insight into the creation of the band's new album Wasting Light in a lowly garage, and will be followed by live 3D performance from the band, playing their new album Wasting Light front to back.

Will this be my turning point with 3D? (doubtful) Will it seriously shocking and insightful? Or will it be more akin to This Is Spinal Tap? (secretly hope so)

Either way, it should be enough unadulterated Grohl time to keep me more than satisfied...for now.

Foo Fighters: Back and Forth screens in selected cinemas nationwide on Thursday April 7.

MAWFACE

She ain't heaver, she's my mutha

The bold John Wallace has had his fair share of menchies on this here blog but with Mother's Day looming (round my neck like a bloody albatross) I thought it was about time Renée"boomboom" Wallace got a shout out.

Similar in manner and temperament (although not always humour, thanks for the WACKY genes pop) I thought a fitting Mawday treat would be a spot of Sunday brunch and a trip to the GFT - what do you mean self-gratifying? *smirks*

That Lynx range of "EXTREME" deodorant really has a lot to answer for

Sharing a keen interest in film, particularly of the French & Italiano variety (by "sharing" I of course mean insisting she watches too) perhaps the only instance in which she'll accompany me to the cinema is if it's for something unusual that won't eventually appear on cooncil telly.

So I assumed the God's of fate were shining down when I realised the GFT were showing further screenings of Danny Boyle's stage production of Frankenstein , a theatrical and cinematic experience I'd been bangin' on about for so long I managed to convince everyone in my house it was a "must see" - including Coco, my labradoodle (yeah, we're one of THOSE families...)

That was until I realised they've scrapped the extra screenings.

NAE JOY IRENE!

Luckily I have a plan B:

Oranges and Sunshine



This place clearly carries the same pungent odours of Glasgow Uni Library - mmmmmusty

 Director Jim Loach, son of the mighty Ken, makes his feature-length debut with Oranges and Sunshine, tells the heart-breaking true story of Margaret Humphreys, a social working from Nottingham, as she endeavours to repair some of the attrocities committed by the British government in migrating thousands of British children to Commonwealth countries between the Victorian era to the 1970s.

With Loach at the helm, Scots screenwriter Rona Munro expertly adapting Margaret Humphreys’s 1994 book Empty Cradles and acclaimed British actress Emily Watson in the lead role of Humphreys, this looks set to be one grizzly and emotional ride.

Nothing says "I LOVE YOU" like a harrowing cinema trip.

Perfect!

SUBMARINE

That moment you realise the pockets on your duffel and purely fashion not function. FAIL.

How I love thee, Richard Ayoade, let me count the ways...

Well there's Man to Man with Dean Learner, The IT Crowd, brief stints in Boosh, Garth Marenghi's Darkplace and a whole host of stylish, quirky music videos for the likes of Vampire Weekend, Kasabian, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Arctic Monkeys.

And I haven't even got to that fro yet... *sighs longingly*

Bad ass mother flipper

Alas, that's about enough gushing for now - let's just say the stakes (and expectations) were high for Ayoade's directorial feature film debut, Submarine.

And met they were too. PHEW!

This comic - and at times tragic - tale of a teens inner turmoil ticks all the right boxes. An adaptation of Joe Dunthorne's 2008 novel, the narrative follows the plight of 15-year old Oliver Tate to lose his virginity and salvage his parents marriage, all whilst confronting a plethora of other issues ranging from school bullies to his father's depression.

A dry, dead-pan and witty tone is established from the outset and our protagonist's humorously over-blown imagining of his own funeral. Impressively the pace and razor-sharp rhetoric is maintained throughout; thanks in no small part to the delivery of talented newcomer, Craig Roberts (below) echoing the same awkward, emotionless state as Ayoade's uber-dork alter-ego, Moss.

Not exactly R-Patz, but keeping the geek-chic flame burning

Ambitiously intellectual and struggling loner, Oliver Tate has definite glimmers of J.D Salinger's Holden Caulfield about him, and combined with Ayoade's nods to Jean Luc Godard's French New Wave cinema style (inter-titles and dramatic orchestral accompaniments to moments of significance in the plot) and "artistic malaise" of director, Wes Anderson, this is meticulously thought-out comedy.

It's Considine's suave subtlety that really lures in the ladies...

A strong supporting cast adds to the humour and pathos, with Tate's depressed father (Noah Taylor) and discontented mother (Sally Hawkins) evoking laughter and sympathy in equal measure.

A notably amusing turn from Paddy Consindine as Oliver's mother's ex-lover, who shows up to throw a spanner in the works, also evokes sniggers every time he appears on screen, due in part to his mullet and also to his "way-out" life prophesying - think Patrick Swayze as Jim Cunningham in Donnie Darko and you're on the right lines (minus the implications of paedophilia).  Far out.

With a score courtesy of Arctic Monkeys frontman, Alex Turner, the film flows seamlessly from "happy-go-lucky-in-love" to "depths-of-the-ocean-depression", minus the cheese or the misery. No mean feat, I think you'll agree.

Unique, refreshing and genuinely engaging - one not to be missed!

Now I'm away to consider a brief hat phase...

Submarine is showing in cinemas nationwide now. 

Norwegian Wouldn't

Norwegian Wood: Review

Don't go into the light

When my friend Paul suggested a trip to see the hotly anticipated film adaptation of Haruki Murakami's 1987 best-seller Norwegian Wood, I agreed gladly but only on the understanding I'd read the book first.

So given a miserable snowy Tuesday afternoon, course work begging to be ignored and a quick stop into Fopp: roughly 5 hours later I was done. NAE BOTHER.

And I loved it - perhaps a little too much.

You see I'm of the firm opinion that books of near perfection should be kept as such and not adapted into film, lest the shoddy adaptation tarnish everything the book achieves. (Drama queen much?)

One word: Gatsby.

Alas, I was still intrigued to see what Vietnamese director, Tran Anh Hung had to offer in way of cinematic translation.

Disappointingly, my low expectations were barely met. That'll teach me to read.

Love overcomes all (even excessive dandruff apparently)

The story follows protagonist Toru Watanabe on a nostalgic journey back to 1960s Tokyo and the painful memories of a troubled youth, depression and unrequited love. A riveting and emotionally charged read from start to finish, the film conveys the scenery of the Japan immensely, through breath-taking cinematography, yet barely touches on many of the intrinsic relationships and in-depth characterisation featured in the book.

The result being somewhat of a hollow and distanced view of a tragic relationship; a far cry from the utterly engulfing novel.

It was the height difference that got in the way in the end...

The whole thing has an air of "contemporary art" around it: expansive shots of beautiful Japanese scenery dominate, with edgy, moving conversational shots, detracting much attention away from the dialogue (which is sparce throughout - to the extent that you're more aware of the awkward silence in the cinema than what's going on on-screen *tummy rumble alert*) instead focusing on meaningful glances and nods. Which has definite artistic value in terms of beauty, but when witty rhetoric, passionate exchanges and enlightened characterisation is sacrificed, it begs the question is beauty enough?

I appreciate that the film simply can't accomodate EVERYcharacter and background story, however, I felt somewhat robbed of the characterisation necessary for understanding key characters. Naoko's presence and troubles are felt throughout although never fully explained, Reiko is barely touched upon and other supporting roles Nagasawa, Midori and even Watanabe's comical roomate,"Stormtrooper", are barely touched upon in any depth.

The effect of this is a film revolving around two central characters with a whole band of peripheral extras - which, if you read the book, you'll know is a tragic loss.



"For our next trick we will all fit compactly inside this case to the tune of Eleanor Rigby."

Although the soundtrack is relatively engaging (although at times quite jarring and harsh against the peaceful landscapes) other crucial cultural references are missing: such as any real mention of the nostalgic Beatles song that evokes the memories of unrequited love and painful loss in Watanabe, the catalyst of the entire story, Norwegian Wood, and the many references he makes to American literature such as The Great Gatsby, a clear influence of Murakami and his protagonist are simply omitted.



I want to say the saving grace of the piece, other than stunning cinematography, is the performance of the young actors, and Rinko Kikuchi doesn't disappoint, conveying Naoko with as much emotion and agony as I'd envisioned.

However, Kenichi Matsuyama's portrayal of the lonesome yet strangely charismatic Watanabe left me underwhelmed for the most part. His only scene that demands more than intense brooding or confusion sees him screaming the tormented wail of madman against a dramatic backdrop of crashing waves and ragged rocks....unfortunately this scene is utterly overshadowed by the lengthy and somewhat Beethoven-esque (as in the dog, not the composer) length of drool he produces in doing so.

Sadly this evoked more disgust than sympathy in the audience, forcing the desire to scream "I KNOW YOU'RE SAD - BUT JUST WIPE IT MAN!" at the screen.

The frequent and supposedly explicit sex scenes also pale in comparison to the written word, and when even the raunchy parts leave you cold, you know you're onto Japanese plums...

Stand-alone, with no prior knowledge of the book, I would recommend watching this for the beauty of the cinematography and Japanese landscape...but for unfortunately for little else.

Another example of best left alone.

DIAGNOSIS: READ IT.

To be enjoyed in its purest form - translated English.