Sunday, 30 January 2011

Be my Frankenstein!

"I followed nature into her lair, and stripped her of her secrets! I brought torrents of light to a darkening world! Is that wrong?"

The flattery of shade hides a multitude of sins. 





Life-long friends, a wealth of relatively pointless literary knowledge and an over-whelming sense of mediocrity: these are the things I took away from my undergrad in English Literature.

"Waste of time?" you may ask. Not at all, I mean it may not have set me in any stead to actually gain employment or enter the work-force and grow up, but by GOD have I read some amazing books.

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein is without doubt one of my favourite texts of all time. (Yip, I'm one of "those" that get's unreasonably galled by those who mistakenly call the monster Frankenstein - FOR SHAME)

This masterful gothic tale of creation and rejection horrifies and captivates the reader. Shelley's ability to evoke sympathy for the the helpless creature, horrifying as he may be, and address a multitude of issues still current, instantly affirmed this as a classic.

So you can only imagine my absolute delight in discovering that Danny Boyle is bringing it to the stage in but a week. Boyle's production of Nick Lear's play version of the timeless story hits the Royal National Theatre on Febuary 5, and it looks set to be ruddy good. With Benedict Cumberbatch and Johnny Lee Miller alternating in the roles of Victor Frankenstein and the creature, and musical accompaniment from Underworld - I'd frankly sell a kidney to go and see this.
Any takers?

Cumberbatch (easy for you to say) and Miller

Couple a showponies - Underworld

The man, the myth, the legend : Boyle

Thursday, 27 January 2011

Black Swan: Lose yourself...

Smoky pink eye: hot trend for Spring/Summer 2011
Smoky pink eye: hot trend for Spring/Summer 2011

“I had the craziest dream last night about a girl who turned into a swan…” Now, turn that dream into your darkest nightmare. This is what Darren Aronofsky has done with his latest chilling offering, Black Swan.

Dark, twisted and instantly engaging; this is no regular tale of artistic ambition. The story follows straight-laced ballerina, Nina, as she struggles to establish and define herself in a competitive New York ballet company. However, the real struggle is with herself. Dark-inner demons and torment take over, blurring the boundaries of reality for both Nina and the audience.


Natalie Portman utterly owns the role of Swan Queen, Nina, with all of the intensity and fragility required to draw in and captivate the audience for the films entirety. Well worthy of her Golden Globe win and Oscar nomination, she casts her co-stars into the shadows with her performance, arguably, the role of her career.

Covering everything from self-mutilation to lesbian fantasy, Aronofsky shocks, entertains and bewilders. Anyone expecting a simple tale of ballet trials and tribulations will be hideously disappointed. Audience reactions have been mixed but a resonating sense of unease is inevitable (good luck getting this yin out your head at bedtime).

Visually and musically stunning, there is little to fault.  Beauty and horror wrestle and unite throughout: symbolic of the torturous struggle Nina has with her various selves. Striving for perfection, she destroys herself.

Love it or hate it: one thing's for sure, I am never going to look at a hang-nail in the same way again *shudders*

Rock, paper, scissors - rock ALWAYS wins!

Maybe should've stayed at home with the Xbox afterall eh?
Maybe should've stayed at home with the X-box eh?
I write this still shuddering with tremors of anxiety following last night's screening of 127 Hours. In all honesty, although I'm a huge fan of Danny Boyle, I had my reservations about the story of a climber stuck (quite literally) between a rock and a hard place. I had anticipated tedium, desperation and gore. Foolish Carlin, it's SO much more than that.

Boyle delivers the story of overly-ambitious outdoorsman Aron Ralston with the trademark style, pace and originality seen in Slumdog Millionaire and 28 Days Later. Using the same team from Slumdog clearly pays off; everything from the music to the split-screen action engages the audience from start to finish.

For those entering the cinema knowing the plot, the over-whelming sense of dread of what's to come is constant, but is frequently reduced to more of a dull pang during scenes of humour and poignant flashback. Any film that keeps the audience urging on the protagonist even on the cusp of inevitable horror is, quite frankly, ruddy impressive.

James Franco gives an outstanding performance in what is fundamentally a one-man show; conveying a spectrum of emotions convincingly, with just the right amount of humour and charm to keep the audience captivated and rooting for him.

It's impossible not to mention "the scene" - the one in which Ralston is forced to tear off his own arm with a blunt knife, in a state of dehydration and delirium following five days trapped in the canyon. I think it's safe to say not one person in the full cinema sat comfortably through this scene. There were gasps, squeals and jackets at eye-level for the entirety. Upon exiting the cinema, everyone looked suitably exhausted.

Those of a nervous temperament/ with high blood pressure should perhaps give this one a miss - anxiety junkies will be in their element!

Diary of a sicko

Didn't even think to ask for proof of medical practice...
Add captionDidn't even think to ask for proof of medical practice...

If there are 3 things I hate it's people who are intolerant of other people's cultures, the Dutch and being ill.

Having spent the last week feeling terrible (cheers swine flu jab, I look forward to seeing you again same time same place next year, ya bas) I've spent the majority of my time watching a smorgasbord of films. Not all bad then.

An ecclectic array of genres, my selection process basically consisted of watching whatever was in arms reach. So if you're looking for any method to my madness - stop it.You won't find one.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy a run down of my daily prescribed viewing.


Day One - The First Dull Pangs of Nausea Strike: La Vita e Bella
 
la-vita-e-bella
The innocence of youth
Roberto Benigni's unforgettable tale of a courage, love and selflessness is masterfully emotive. Simultaneously unsettling and uplifting, the story of a protective father who sacrifices all to protect his son from the horrific realities of a Jewish concentration camp following the German occupation of Italy is enough to turn anyones frown upside down. The audience can easily forgive the outlandish and implausible elements of this story (fairytale pauper winning princess, duping the Nazi system time and time again) in favour of the overwhelming sense of human spirit and optimism. Flu is crap but life is most definitely beautiful.



Day Two - Headaches, fever and longing: A Very Long Engagement

600full-a-very-long-engagement-screenshot.jpg
LOVE
Nothing better on a miserable afternoon of wallowing than a good weepie, a classy French one of course. Audrey Tautou convincingly conveys the relentless turmoil of a young woman deseperately trying to locate her fiance who disappeared somewhere in the trenches of the Somme during World War One. Mathilde (Tautou) is no helpless, weeping damsel as she strives and conives her way through the murky depths of deceit and confusion to find her love. Jean-Pierre Jeunet stays true to stylish form artfully depicting love, mystery, bittersweet humour and betrayal.


Day Three - No Voice? No need: I Love You Phillip Morris
i-love-you-phillip-morris
Relax and unwind with Sandals Holidays

Slight change of pace here. The reason I say "no need for a voice" is that if you bare in mind throughout this film that the story is entirely NON-FICTION, you're rendered speechless anyway. This comedy drama depicts the alarmingly far-fetched (yet true) actions of con artist/ prison escapee Steven Jay Russell and his mind-bending determination to be renunited with the love of his life. Jim Carrey pulls this off superbly, with the poignancy and humour he displays in Man On The Moon. Not at all what I expected but I'm reluctant to give anything away, so just watch and have a browser open on wikipedia as you watch...



Day Four - Woozy, snoozy and wishing to be boozy: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
Geek chic
Michael Cera: Perpetual Teen


Like countless others I wasn't best impressed with the trailors for Edgar Wright's comic book caper about an unlucky-in-love lad who finds himself battling the seven evil exs of his new beau. "Pahh, more comic book swill," I sighed, mentally filing it under "ones-not-to-watch-unless-on-a-plane". Well I'll gladly eat those words, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Wright's original and unique visual wizardry takes the audience on an engaging cinematic journey unlike any other with the sharp, pacy dialogue keeping the smirks and laughter frequent. Michael Cera plays Pilgrim as...well Michael Cera (OK he's a one trick pony but it's a pretty good trick) and Kieran Culkin is a surprising treat, as Pilgrim's razor-witted room-mate. Quirky.





Day Five - Feeling human once again: The Social Network
"Hey guys, come see this awesome film blog! INSPIRED!"
"Hey guys, come see this awesome film blog! INSPIRED!"
 Well and truly worthy of it's quadruple Golden Globe win on Sunday night, David Fincher's depiction of the rise of a social networking phenomenon exceeds all expectations. From the top-notch casting of Jesse Eisenberg as Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg to the fast-paced and witty rhetoric between characters, this film ticks every box. Fincher depicts an undoubtedly fascinating story, without sensationalising a thing. Utterly engrossing, I again found myself trawling through wikipedia fact-checking as I watched. Worthy of the hype and accolades, in short - brilliant.



Films NOT To Watch When Ill
  1. The Exorcist (excess vomatron)
  2. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Augustus Gloop = guaranteed boke)
  3. Titanic (Warning: may cause seasickness - mostly as a result of Winslet's horrific accent)

Hornets and kids toys and bears - OH MY!

"Hauntingly thought-provoking" The New York Times
"Hauntingly thought-provoking and unsettling" The New York Times"


WITH the curtain drawn on 2010, it’s time to look forward to the cinematic offerings in store for 2011. From comic books to cartoon classics; they’re all getting the Hollywood treatment and being brought to the silver screen. But is this exciting or just plain lazy?

2010: a year that brought us A Prophet, Inception, The Social Network and Four Lions, in short – a year of original, ground-breaking cinema. So with the onslaught of adaptations and sequels 2011 has in store, the risk of audience disenchantment is high.

Billy Bob Thornton sent ripples of malaise through Hollywood last month when he told The Telegraph that, in his opinion, we are in the ‘worst era for Hollywood’ and that most motion pictures of late are solely ‘geared towards a video game generation’. Are these just the grumblings of a middle aged man bemused by the next generation or does he have a point?

Well, with the countless comic book capers and innumerable cartoon classics being brought to the silver screen this year, he’s certainly caught on to something...

No muscle-suit or caption necessary
No muscle suit or caption necessary


Graphic fiction novels: an infinite treasure trove of blockbuster fodder, providing generation after generation of fanatics with excitement and escapism. Superman, Spiderman and The X Men are now regarded as film stars as much as they are comic book characters, and this trend looks set to continue.

2011 offers up more than a handful of comic book adaptations. The Green Lantern (June 17) and The Green Hornet (January 14) are among the many releases of this year, with the most hotly anticipated of the all expected set to be the summer smash – Captain America: The First Avenger (July 22). This certainly is one genre that need never fear a drought.

Similarly, cartoon classics such as Yogi Bear (January 2) and Winnie the Pooh (July 16) are being reinvigorated and introduced to a new generation of young movie-goers; evoking excited gasps from tots and woeful sighs from parents the world over.

Not a ridiculous concept in the slightest
Not a ridiculous concept in the slightest


Even popular 70s toy Stretch Armstrong has been given cinematic rights, with believe it or not (rather the latter) a feature film rumoured to come out in April. Almost ridiculous enough to work?

NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Word on the street is that ambitions are now set to film it in 3-D with Twighlight's Taylor Lautner in the starring role (I couldn't make this stuff up) therefore pushing back the release date until 2012.

Out of sheer curiosity (and childishness) I really hope this is not just an online rumour, I smell Oscar nominations...

Fans of these light and fluffy family capers should head for the cinema, armed with optimism and enough sugary E numbered snacks to slip into a diabetic coma.

Everyone else, I recommend the following:

Black Swan (Jan 21st)

The King's Speech (Jan 7th)

127 Hours (Jan 7th)

Mad for Mad Men

Sexism has never been so chic
Sexism has never been so chic

You can only imagine my horror last Christmas upon unwrapping the 'WILDCARD' gift from my mum and finding True Blood. Trying desperately to stifly my disdain, I mustered a forced smile and said, "Cheers Irene, vampire porn? You know me so well."

But alas, this did not deter the bold Renee! This year, as I cautiously unravelled what was blatantly a boxset, internally fighting the pangs of last years disappointment in attempts to convey a more appreciative demeanour, I was taken a-back by her choice. Two words: MAD MEN.

Brilliant.

I'd been intrigued by the series for some time now, but like many, unless given the boxset in some entirety (ie. the first three seasons in one slick package) I just never found the time. That is until now. I'm currently in the throes of what can only be described as addiction.

The Emmy and Golden Globe award-winning drama set in the 1960s New York advertising industry is witty, fast-paced and enthralling. Everything from the sexist, ego-driven businessmen and tragic Stepford-esque housewives to the decadent fashion invites me in.

Having inexplicably managed to watch the first 2 seasons in little over a week (during the festive party season no less) I look forward to stifling the unavoidable January blues with more of the same, whilst scanning the Sunday Times Style suppliment for advice on how to become a Joan or a Betty and starting my 'Don Draper for president' campaign.

5 Reasons to become a MADdict
  1. The wit - Hilariously dry, mocking and satirical of an era shrowded in pathos and sexism it's hard to form a solid opinion on anyone as they all wrestle against changing ideologies in a drastically changing time. Ohhhh the inner turmoil. Love it.
  2. The tragedy - Adultery, alcoholism, racism, homophobia, sexism...the list is endless. Cannot.get.enough.
  3. The fashion - Winning gongs and acclaim in its own right, the fashion of Mad Men has become an empire unto itself. From vintage to bohemian, this era is brought colourfully and vividly to life through costume and it continues to inspire legions of fashionistas. Long live the Bettys!
  4. Don Draper - The man, the myth, the enigma. Jon Hamm depicts the shows protagonist with such suave charisma that the audience are forced to forgive his short-comings (infidelity, heavy drinking etc) in favour of his charm and mystique. The mystery of Draper is alluded to early on in season 1 when a colleague remarks, "Draper? Who knows anything about that guy? He could be Batman for all we know." And you know what, he absolutely could.
  5. Joan Holloway - Christina Hendricks is the real-life Jessica Rabbit, a fiery femme-fatale that contradicts and complies to the stereotypes of her day. Fabulously fierce.

U.G.L.Y - You ain't got no alibi. But here's an Oscar!

Single, white female WLTM man with GSOH and own gun

Single,white female WLTM man with GSOH and interest in guns

Oscar Wilde once said: 'The ugly and the stupid have the best of it in this world'.

Mmmm disputable in everyday life but when it comes to bagging an Oscar, a few skelps from the ugly stick seems to be a sure-fire method for Oscar success.

Now I'm not simply referring to less attractive actresses in general (jog on Tilda Swinton) but there is a trend of beautiful actresses that have ugg-ed up and grossed out for roles. Roles which go on to win them a much coveted golden statuette and the respect of peers who thought them too "pretty" to carry a film.

Here are a few ladies that show they ain't afraid to do fugly for fame and artistic acclaim:

Charlize Theron's performance in Patty Jenkins' Monster turned heads for more reasons than one. This harrowing true-story of Daytona Beach prostitute turned serial-killer, Aileen Wuornos, horrified and engaged audiences. From a cruel and abusive childhood to prostitution and murder, the title really says it all, evoking various reactions ranging from sympathy to disgust. Undoubtedly, an excellent performance by Theron, the mannerisms and characteristics of Wuornos displayed, suggests a great deal of preparation and committment on Theron's part, and with the wonders of make-up her likeness is hauntingly uncanny. BEST ACTRESS AWARD 2004

X Factor - Over 28s category 2011
X Factor: Over 28s category


Now, I've banged on about this next one before but Marion Cotillard's performance as Edith Piaf in biographical masterpiece, La Vie En Rose, was well worthy of an Academy Award. Not just for the powerful and moving portrayal of the legendary French songstress, but for Cotillard's ability to convincingly convey a spritely, mischievous young street singer through her tragic battle with alcoholism and loss, to the haggered, wizend shell of a person she is at the end of her life. Undoubtedly, a great deal of this is due to make-up wizardry and study of the singer herself, but Cotillard throws herself into the role entirely, until unrecognisable.

BEST ACTRESS AWARD 2008


Clint Eastwood - most aggressive towel dryer in town
Clint Eastwood - most aggressive towel dryer in town


Hilary Swank has never been one to use her beauty or femininity to land a decent role: Insomnia? SNORE! P.S. I Love You? P.S. I Hate You Swank for ever making this intolerable pile of festering human excrement.

However, change gender, beef up and take a few hits to that Hollywood-perfect mug and now we're talking serious Oscar winning stuff.

Swank's portrayal of hardened female boxer Maggie Fitzgerald in Million Dollar Baby, demonstrates both her abilities as an actress and her dedication to realism in this physically demanding role. Gaining over 20 pounds of muscle, contracting a bacterial infection on her feet from hours of relentless training and being made up with a face bloodied and bashed enough to land her a role in Fight Club, Swank proves her worth and scoops up the Best Actress gong.
Androgynous chic is so hot right now
Androgynous chic is so hot right now
This was of course Swank's second Best Actress win. Her first came following her role as transgender teen, Brandon Teena, in Kimberley Peirce's Boys Don't Cry.

Swank powerfully conveys the tragedy and desperation of the new boy in town, who is actually a girl struggling to accept the reality of his/her sexual identity; struggling to establish an identity in general.

The most impressive things Swank achieves in this film is the ability to shift from feminine to masculine in the blink of an eye, again utterly committing to the role, earning the film it's 42 industry awards and further 27 nominations.

BEST ACTRESS AWARD 2000 & 2008

Other examples of "From Hot-to-Trot to Not-but-Got-an-Oscar-or-nomination"
  1. Nicole Kidman - The Hours (2002) win
  2. Salma Hayek - Frida (2002) nom
  3. Felicity Huffman - Transamerica (2005) nom
So the real question is - does an actress need to tone her beauty to achieve an Oscar? The trend of late would suggest so, the question is why...

I'll allow you to have a swatch of the past winners and let you mull that one over:

BEST ACTRESS OSCARS 1920 - 2010

First Impressions

"I'll have the steak with a side of ridiculous"
"I'll have a steak with a side of ROFLs


So here's a cheeky wee hybrid of a blog.

I've just finished watching the last in the current series of BBC2s The Trip starring Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon, directed by Michael Winterbottom, and felt compelled to speak about it.

Now I know this defies the rules of a film blog (in that it's not a film that I am discussing - Quelle horreur!) HOWEVER the key element of the show I will be discussing in brief-bloggy-style is the frequent and impressive impressions Coogan and Brydon do from various films...see what I did there?

How gallus I am!

I remain conflicted about the six-part series; some episodes had me in stitches, some had me reaching for the razor blades. Therefore I can't confirm the category I'd file The Trip under (FAIL or SCORE) but one thing I can say is that the impressions they hit out with at the dinner table are phenomenal.

You know, the kind you find yourself trying to do because they make it look so easy (we've all attempted the Michael Caine "only supposed to blow the bloody DOORS OFF!" and anyone that denies it better get dialing 999, coz their pants are on FIRE!)

I found myself completely forgiving the latter parts of the episodes for being so sodden with pathos that I wanted to just turn over or end it (my life i mean), purely because I was still experiencing the after-tremours of a really good LOL!

So my advice to anyone that wants a right gid laugh, watch the repeats on BBC Iplayer, or youtube,and stop each episode about 20 mins in, that way its all hilarious-killer, no depressing-filler!

Or better still watch the clips i've put below, don't say i'm not good to you.

In no particular order, please find below a list of the best impressions that tickled me:

1. Michael Caine - episode 1 saw Coogan and Brydon doing a "Caine-Off". Brilliance.

2. Various James Bonds - Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan, villains. "Come, come Mr Bond."

3. Ray Winstone - "drink it". ROFL.

4. Woody Allen - "my mother and law wants to dance on my grave, i'll get buried at sea"

5. Richard Gere - *distant look* *laugh* Respond.

6. Random costume drama soldier - "Gentlemen to bed!"

The best way of spreading Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!

What's your favourite colour...
What's your favourite colour?



Ohhhhhhhhhhh the weather outside may be frightful but festive films are SO delightful!!!

Now that we are officially in the "acceptable" bracket for watching Christmas films (also known as December) I feel inclined to address the topic of warm and fuzzy festive viewing.

As the snow continues to blanket our lives and emotions at this time of year [I am in a glass case of emotion!!!] there ain't nowt better for lifting the spirits than a good old Christmas film. No cold turkeys here, read on for the creme de la creme of christmassy goodness. Mmmmmmmmmm cosy!

santa plays it low-key this year, the crowd aren't impressed..
Santa's "dressed down" demeanour failed to impress
"I'm such a cotton-headed-ninny-muggins" and "SANTA?!?!?!I KNOW HIM!" are just a couple of the many catchphrases to come from Will Ferrell's comic festive offering Elf. The plot follows the escapades of Buddy as he leaves the North Pole and ventures to NYC in search of his real father, the surly James Caan. Ludicrous, light and utterly watchable if this film were a festive beverage it'd be a triple shot gingerbread latte with extra syrup and LOLs.

Anyone who's read my "Who's the Daddy?" blog will already be aware of my adoration for Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey in It's Wonderful Life.

Frank Capra's 1946 classic is mandatory Christmas viewing in this house or you're out of the Wallace clan - a rule that I think should be adopted by most families. Granted, you spend roughly 85%of the film wondering why life is so wonderful but by GOD does that other 15% make up for it!

For those who haven't seen it I recommend the original black and white version as technicolour is just bizarre. With annual screenings on at the GFT throughout December, I highly recommend making a day of it: take in some mulled wine, laugh at the numpties falling on George Square's ice rink and go snuggle up like they did in the olden days. Vintage.

the only way to travel
The only way to travel

I would've liked to have been present at the pitch for Raymond Briggs' animated classic The Snowman:

"Right lads, we've got a wee boy that makes a cross-dressing snowman, who's partial to a spot of breaking and entering, and abucts the boy taking him to a raucous party with his much older, multi-cultural snowman mates indulging in drinking and dancing and then disappears in the morning leaving the child feeling confused, slightly used and a bit mental.

Oh, and we'll get Bowie to present it from his attic."

Brilliant.

I jest of course, this magical 26-minute animation tugs the heart-strings of everyone that remembers the sheer joy and excitement of the first snowfall of winter, before you had responsibilities; childhood naivety at it's best.



one face i'd invite to any christmas party
He's obviously just spent crimbo at the Wallace's

For all the cynics out there sick of the shmaltz and sweetness I suggest Bill Murray's 1988 alternate take on Ebeneezer in Scrooged.

This tale of a selfish and skeptical tv exec haunted by 3 ghosts of past. present and future is an updated take on Dickens' A Christmas Carol.

A witty and smirksome re-imagining of a classic, Murray is at his finest as the aptly named Frank Cross. Given the choice between him and Michael Caine in my other favourite adaptation of this timeless tale, The Muppet Christmas Carol, I'd be hard-pushed to come to a final decision.

On one hand you've got Murray's drole humour and dry wit and on the other hand you've got Caine and MUPPETS!!!!
nothing out of the ordinary here...
spot the odd one out
So instead, here's a snippet from both, and I'll let you decide:





Other Recommended Festive Stocking Fillers:
  1. Home Alone 1 & 2 (1990/1992)
  2. White Christmas (1954)
  3. Bad Santa (2003)
  4. Jingle All The Way (1996)
  5. Miracle on 34th Street (1947 - not the one with Wilma Rubble and irritating-child-with-lisp)

Cinéma Français, j'taime...

Amelie and I share the same cinematic expression
Amelie and I share the same cinematic expression
French film has always had a certain "je ne sais quoi".

An unashamed cliche but i don't even care - it's true! The people, the places, the humour, the emotion - everything about it invites me in.

My love affair with french film began in my higher french classroom (not that i'm bragging) the day Madame Granger introduced us to Jean Pierre-Jeunet's masterpiece Amelie. Something about Audrey Tautou's wide-eyed optimistic, passionate and quirky view on existence instantly grabbed me and has never let go.



I also owe Madame Granger a wealth of gratitude for introducing me to another outstanding French film: Au Revoir Les Enfants.

au revoir les enfants
Friendship: the only ship that never sinks


Writer/director Louis Malle's account of childhood friendship in a Roman Catholic boarding school in Nazi occupied France is moving and unforgettable.

The understated and believable friendship conveyed by the young actors on screen is convincing and emotive, no more so than when you realise the events that unravelling are not fictional; this is a haunting true story.

Well worthy of the Golden Lion it picked up at the 1987 Venice Film Festival, along with the 2 Academy Awards nominations, I can't recommend this highly enough.



lavie en rose
Je ne regrette rien about watching this classic.
Marion Cotillard blew everyone away with her depiction of Édith Piaf in 2007 biopic La Vie En Rose. Her portrayal of the talented and tragic "little sparrow" not only established Cotillard as 'one to watch' but also brought arguably the biggest French singer of all time to the world's stage.

The climax of the film is undoubtedly the Piaf's pained but powerful rendition of ,"Non, je ne regrette rien." Heart-wrenching, engaging and exquisitely performed - you will not regret watching this.

Chopsticks is hard to master...
Chopsticks is hard to master
The Beat That My Heart Skipped follows Thomas Seyr as he struggles against his pre-destined future in corrupt business to fulfill his dream of becoming a concert pianist and better human being.

On paper, this concept sounds alright, but Romain Duris' performance excelerates this film into the realms of excellence. Offfft quite the sweeping statement eh? But all true. He masters the art of simultaneously conveying turmoil, aggression, sensitivity and humour like few other actors I can think of.

Achieving all of this whilst convincingly playing the piano - nuff said.



Other Outstanding French Films (English titles):
  1. Leon (1994 - Luc Besson)
  2. A Prophet (2009 - Jacques Audiard )
  3. I've Loved You So Long (2008 - Philippe Claudel)
  4. In Paris (2006 - Christoph Honore)
  5. Paris (2008 - Cedric Klapisch)

2011: A Promising Film Odyssey



Specsaver autumn/winter campaign 2010
Specsavers 2011 Spring/Summer Collection
"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked..." They just don't write 'em like that anymore, but apparently they can adapt 'em into partially animated feature length films.

Rob Epstein and Jeffry Friedman's potrayal of the 1957 obscenity trial held over Allen Ginsberg's celebrated poem, "Howl", presents the audience with a combination of archive footage, animated illustrations of the poem and some reportedly sterling acting from James Franco.

Not released in the UK until February 2011 this is just one of many literary masterpieces that I am simultaneously anxious and terrified of seeing translated to film.



Ok, maybe "terrified" is a tad strong, but if you haven't already gathered from my slaughtering of Scorsese's "Shutter Island" I really HATE it when an adaptation goes wrong. You know that feeling of intense disappointment like when you realise a celebrity is actually a total prat in real life and it totally taints everything else they ever do (yeah Christian Bale I'm talkin to you): you just want to ask why, jump through a portal in time back to a better, simpler place where ignorance reigned and everything was rosy. This is how I feel when I see an excellent book poorly adapted to film, so needless to say my anxiety levels are gradually rising with the impending release of various literary classics on the silver screen.

Next case in point, arguably the best novel of American 20th Century literature, F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby.

Has the x-factor just started?
Ahh, the X Factor has just started.
Now, when you entitle something as "arguably the best of a century" the bar has already been set inconceivably high, so it's little wonder that many (4 in total) have attempted to bring this lavish and tragic tale of wealth and desire to the silver screen in the past. Most notably, Jack Clayton's 1974 offering wound up being somewhat of a flop, atmospheric as it is. Even the radioactive Robert Redford and Mia Farrow couldn't bring this back from the brink of mundane.

Seems bizarre that a text so rich in imagery, full of characters absolutely dripping in pathos, in an era of extreme decadence could be anything other than a visual feast.

I refuse to be disheartened though, and I'll stand resilient in the hope that the upcoming film adaptation of the novel will do it some justice. With Leonardo DiCaprio as Gatsby and Carey Mulligan as Daisy Buchanan, SURELY I won't be let down - famous last words...
Dear diary, today i met a boy...
"Dear diary, today I met a boy..."
Hunter S. Thompson's novel The Rum Diary follows the soul-searching adventure of journalist Paul Kemp, writing, drinking and fighting his way around the Carribean. Brilliant. So when I heard this was being made into a film starring Johnny Depp (of course) I was delighted. That was about 3 years ago, so the fact they're finally in the post-production stages feels like like a long overdue treat. My only concern is that the hype has been building (in my head anyway) for so long now that it won't live up to expectations, but with Depp's dedication to Thompson's work and if "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" is anything to go by, I shouldn't be let down. Roll on 2011...
By the look on his face he forgot the travel scrabble
My face is the same when I forget my travel scrabble

I must admit I don't have my hopes set high for this one, as I simply don't know how the spontaneous narrative structure of the novel will translate to film. I don't know if I want it to in fact. I am referring to the screen version of Jack Kerouac's defining novel On The Road. The largely biographical journey of Sal Paradise is now considered a crucial text of the Beat Generation, influencing generations of road-trippers on spiritual booze-fuelled journeys for years to come.

With Walter Salles (of "The Motorcycle Diaries" fame) at the directorial helm, Francis Ford Coppolla controlling production and a young and promising cast including Brit talent Sam Riley as Sal Paradise: in theory it should work.

I remain unconvinced.

Bob Dylan once said of the novel: "It changed my life like it changed everyone else's." Wonder what he'll make of the film...

(On The Road is due for release in 2011)



Novels that translated well to film:
  • LA Confidential by James Ellroy
  • American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
  • The Godfather by Mario Puzo
Lost in Translation:

  • The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold (awright Peter you like CGI, we get it! not always appropriate though eh?)
  • Frankenstein by Mary Shelley (time and time again they've been more horrific than any monster)
  • The Human Stain by Philip Roth (Anthony Hopkins as a black American...nuff said)

Play it again, Sam...

Don't you hate it when someone else shows up in your outfit...
Don't you hate it when someone shows up in your outfit

In the words of James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem, "Daft Punk is playing in my house" - frequently, and the French electro masters are soon to exceed the boundaries of my humble abode and hit cinemas worldwide, with the impending release of "Tron: Legacy". An event in film history that's had sci-fi nerds salivating in anticipation for years, music junkies everywhere are jumping on board with the prospect of an electrifying score by these masters of their craft (not to be confused with MSTRKRFT). Exciting times.

This got me to thinking about the role of music in film: scores, soundtracks and what they bring to the motion picture. And how better to discuss this but with examples of course!



Imagine this...
Imagine this

This startlingly obvious one is the big cahoona that'll have you tutting, eye-rolling and muttering, "godsake Carlin, some originality PLEASE!" but it could not be omitted. The "Forrest Gump" soundtrack is an anthology of American music. The 2-disc, 34 song soundtrack acts as a perfect accompaniment to this heart-warming tale of simpleton success; pinpointing exact eras and changes in time. For many, a single song can define a generation - this film goes one better and uses various songs and genres to colour a whole truck-load of definitive moments in history.
Neat.

Spike Jonze's live-action film adaptation of Maurice Sendak's classic children's tale, "Where The Wild Things Are", is not just a visual treat, but a magical music must. With a score from Yeah Yeah Yeah's Karen O and the Kids, it encapsulates the innocence and excitement of Max's manic imaginery adventure, emphasising the poignant and emotive moments, of which there are a great many.

Where-the-Wild-Things-Are1


To be brutally honest I didn't think "500 Days of Summer" really lived up to the "indie breakout hit" status it was meant to have: I didn't feel sorry for the protagonist and I found his pathetic wallowing most irritating - she blatantly wasn't feeling it from the start, take a hint man. That said, the soundtrack probably increased the films like-ability ten-fold. The Smiths, Doves, Simon & Garfunkel to name but a few all feature, and of course an uplifting injection of Hall &Oates - shame it accompanied the biggest cringe-fest of a dance sequence known to man. Still though, this is a prime example of a soundtrack not just adding to a film, but actually improving it.

Poor music taste can kill a relationship. DEAD.
Poor musical taste can kill a relationship. DEAD.


Lastly I feel compelled to mention Tarantino's epic merging of genres in "Reservoir Dogs" and, laterally, "Pulp Fiction". These soundtracks fuse American rock n roll, pop, surf and soul, adding to the brash and punchy story-telling style unique to Tarantino. "Little Green Bag", "Stuck in the Middle With You", "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon": the list is endless and all carry the same powerful resonance. When you hear them you think of drug overdose, bloody mutilation and gimps - and I am entirely ok with that.

M&S Winter Campaign
M&S Winter Campaign: 2010



BEST OF THE REST:

- Empire Records (for 90s grunge angst: The Cranberries, Jimi Hendrix, Better Than Ezra, AC/DC...)

- Almost Famous (intro to the 70s rock scene in a nice accessable package: Lynard Skynard, Led Zepplin, The Who, Elton John...)

- Good Will Hunting (non-Elliot Smith fans need not apply: Elliot Smith, Al Green, Elliot Smith...)

- Goodfellas (Brat Pack, the Stones and gangsters - what more could you possibly want?)

- The Wedding Singer (for the 80s cheese lover in all of us: Elvis Costello, The Smiths, David Bowie, New Order...)

Who's the Daddy?

Spectacular parenting
Spectacular parenting

It was a warm Sunday evening in the Wallace ranch and I was watching "30 Rock" with my father. We were mutually laughing and bantering along to the witty repartee of Jack Donaghy and Liz Lemon, when all of a sudden Jack hits out with a prostitute joke and my dad, having just taken an over-ambitious mouthful of milk, spits it out all over himself and the coffee table in a moment of uncontrolled, unbridled hilarity, and amidst the tears of laughter and milk-sodden mess I gazed over lovingly and thought, "You're some guy John Wallace."

THAT SAID, if I had to choose another dad, these guys would be top of my list...

1. Atticus Finch: One of the all-time literary fictional greats, Atticus Finch depicts every desirable quality you'd want in a father figure: honesty, integrity, strength and wisdom. The central protagonist of Harper Lee's Pulitzer-Prize winning novel "To Kill A Mockingbird" was voted American Film Institutes "Greatest Hero in American Film" and I defy anyone to challenge that accolade. Brought to life on the silver screen by the late, great Gregory Peck, this cat ain't cuddly but by God, is he an excellent role model, father and all-round sterling fella.




He's a wonderful dad
He's a wonderful dad
2. George Bailey: "A toast to George Bailey - the richest man in town!" And never was a more deserved glass raised.

Jimmy Stewart's timeless role in festive classic "It's A Wonderful Life" is enough to set any heart aglow.

As the film progresses with poor old self-less George being continually burdened and battered by Potter's tyranny, gradually descending down into a grimy pit of suicidal despair (mmmm christmassy) the viewer has a difficult time remembering just why life is so wonderful, but never ONCE do we stop rooting for George Bailey. LEGEND.





That's one lucky baby
That's one lucky baby!
3. Peter Mitchell (Tom Selleck)/ Jack Holden (Ted Danson)/ Michael Kellam (Steve Guttenberg): Ok, so this one's a bit greedy but come on: Danson's humour, Selleck's tash and dashing good looks and Guttenberg's...err....connection with the rest of the Police Academy cast, how could you ever ask for anything else. Granted you'd undoubtedly grow up with more daddy issues than Soon Yi-Priven but what a lark it would be!




Arnie sporting some festive neckwear...
Arnie sports some festive neckwear
4. Howard Langston: Never before had one father been so driven and determined to meet the material needs of his whining son as Arnold Schwarzenegger in ground-breaking psychological thriller "Jingle All The Way".

Granted, not the best dad at the beginning of the film but after unreasonable exertion, turmoil and destruction our protagonist dons a plastic costume and invades the Wintertainment parade for one solitary reason: the love of his son.

Moving stuff.

And as little Jake's heart swells with pride upon realising that HIS DAD is Turboman I can't help but cast my nostalgic mind back to that Christmas Fayre of primary 5, and the moment I realised that the kind and familiar eyes behind the substitute Santa joyfully handing my classmates gifts belonged to my own father.

You can't buy that kind of happiness.




The Runners Up:

1. Bruce Willis as Harry Stamper in Armageddon (feared and selfless)
2. Steve Martin as George Banks in Father of the Bride (humorous and lovable)
3. Gary Lewis as Jackie Elliot in Billy Elliot (hard life, soft heart)
4. Arnold Schwarzenegger as John Matrix in Commando (no comment necessary)

Bad Dad's:
1. Darth Vader in Star Wars (never paid any alimony)
2. Jim Carrey as Fletcher Reede in Liar Liar (I don't think he can change)
3. Chris Cooper as Col. Frank Fitts in American Beauty (murderous ex-military homophobic homosexual. Nuff said really)
4. John Heard as Peter McCallister in Home Alone (Negligence at it's worst - Social Services should've stepped in years ago)

Killer Queens


When drag goes bad...
When drag goes bad



Tonight's blog is not about blood-thirsty monarchs, but the other type of queen - draaaaaaaaag, darling.

Twas just yesterday I was visiting my friend's fashion blog (FOURTY FOUR SUNSETS - check it out!) and came across a photo of James Franco kitted out in his finest female clobber, complete with more eye-shadow than Pat Butcher at Christmas and more lipstick and lashes that Girls Aloud combined (so roughly a metric tonne).

The result is quite shocking.

He simultaneously looks pretty and masculine, and altogether quite bizarre. I choose "bizarre" as I can't quite make up my mind about this: on one hand he is undoubtedly a tarted up man, but on the other he most definitely has more striking features than most of the beasts spotted roaming Paisley on a Saturday night.

And even though I can't shake the idea that he looks like a Muppet version of Barbara Streisand - something about the eyes - I think the main thing to take away from this is that he owns it. Now I don't know if he has done this shoot to reflect his committment to the role or to display his diversity as an actor (coz let's face it no-one got "diverse" from Spider-Man).

Franco-ly my dear, i don't give a damn!
But as Tyra Banks would say, it is FIERCE!


This got me to thinking about other men in film that make beautiful women.

Without doubt the first that sprang to mind was Mexican actor Gael Garcia Bernal. Most renowned for Che Guevara biopic The Motorcycle Diaries and sex-fuelled-teen-exploration Y Tu Mama Tambien, it's his role in Pedro Almodóvar's Bad Education that shows him in a more feminine light.

Front-runner for the remake of Pretty Woman
Front runner for the remake of Pretty Woman
I say more feminine - i mean raging queen. This story of murder, betrayal, catholicism and transexuality allows Bernal to play both male and female roles, powerfully conveying various perspectives and sexual ideologies.

And by god, does he make one pretty woman. In fact, if they were to remake "Pretty Woman" I genuinely think he'd be in with a shout. Sorry Julia, there's a new girl in town...


Queens that didn't make the cut:
- Tony Curtis in Some Like It Hot
- Roger Taylor in Queen's I Want To Break Free


I'm signing off with another two examples of actors who have donned frocks and slap for their art (and let's face it - just to prove that they can pull it off)
The clues are in the captions - answers on a postcard!

Not being Cilli(an), but she's hot!
Not being Cilli-an, but she is one hot mama!

Hey Jude, I thought you were a dude?
Hey Jude! I thought you were a dude...

Asphinctersayswhat?

WE'RE NOT WORTHY!!
We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
To quote the dvd cover: "In the tradition of 'Lawrence of Arabia' and 'Gandhi' comes a sweeping screen epic bursting with spectacle and drama...NOT!!!"
AND THANK CHRIST FOR THAT! I dare not imagine what would have happened if Mike Myers had ever attempted anything close to a serious tone with 90s comedy classics, "Wayne's World" 1 & 2.

Possibly the most quotable film OF ALL TIME (in my house anyway) it was really only a matter of time before I paid homage to Wayne Campbell.

For anyone who's never seen "Wayne's World", or it's sequel, i judge you. Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh not really, if anything, I pity you. But if you have a humourous bone in your body you'll want to watch this, and here's why:

1. Quotage to last a lifetime - Believe me when I say I quote "Wayne's World" every day. Granted some days more than others, but from the common conversational phrase ("Exqueeze me? A baking powder?") to the crude ("Ill have the cream-of-sum-yung-guy") to the just plain obscure ("SHHHHHHHWWWWWWWWIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGG") - I advise you add these phrases to your repetoire.

2. You want to be friends with most of the cast - I defy anyone to watch it and not want to be friends with Wayne and Garth - sure they have annoying qualities, but doesn't everyone? 'Course.

3. Christopher Walken endorses it - so it must be cool.

4. It takes nothing seriously - In writing these films Myers has blatantly went to town in many respects: the plentiful parodies (too many to mention), casting impossibly attractive women as their girlfriends (Tia Carrere and Kim Basinger), the alternate endings (most notably Scooby Doo ending)...the list really is quite endless. Basically what anyone in their right mind would do given a small budget and a brilliant cast. Genius.

5. Del Preston - If you don't who this is I'll have to beat you to death with your own shoes...

6. It's got a bitchin' soundtrack - The Bohemian Rhapsody car scene has now gained legendary status, throw in some Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Black Sabbath and Hendrix and we got ourselves a party!

7. It makes Delaware cool - a feat that had never been done before and has never been done since.



Party on!


Fangs for the memories!

ONE - ah ah ah ah, TWO - ah ah ah ah...
ONE - ah ah ah ah, TWO - ah ah ah ah!
Apologies for the title, but I'm a sucker for a pun (BOOM - that was another one) almost as much as I am for a good vampire caper.
Hell, we all are these days! But fear not readers with cinematic taste, this ain't going to be no homage to Twilight (I <3 R-PATZ!) but more of a nod towards a few good vampire films that have seduced audiences into either fearing the fang-ed ones or got them thinking "un-dead huh? doesn't sound too bad..."
From the terrifying to the ridiculous, Hollywood has given us film after film of these blood-sucking fiend-fests but my fear is that amid the latest wave of drivel cough (True Blood, Vampire Diaries, Twilight) cough, we lose sight of the many decent offerings out there for us to get our teeth into *groans*.

"What?! I didn't call you pale! I was talking to the guy behind you..."
What?! I didn't call you pale! I was talking to the guy behind you...

First up is old-school classic, and arguably scariest depition of a blood-sucker:"Nosferatu" (1922). Director F.W. Murnau brought us a silent nightmare in this bone-chilling film. Given the year in which this was made, one can only shudder in fear at the prospect of what Murnau would do with the technological advancements of this era. Saying that though, the starkness of this film undoubtedly adds to the horror. Needless to say Max Schreck's timeless depiction of Orlok has gained world-wide acclaim, and deservedly so, forever etching the image of his rodent-like mug in our minds.Nosferatu 1922

Lost Boys

Next up is Joel Schumacher's 80s teen sensation "The Lost Boys". Obviously alluding to J.M.Barrie's ageless Tootles,Slightly and crew, this has a more sinister edge to it - and one kick-ass 80s soundtrack! Vampires have never been so cool, I mean undead Keifer Sutherland and the Corey double-whammy (Feldman and Haim)? Nuff said.

This tale of 2 brothers moving to a Californian town infested with teen vampires provides laughs and frights gallore, something any 80s Brat Pack fan would enjoy, as well as blazing a trail for many a teen vampire flick to follow.

When I was younger this film was pretty damn scary, but now it's quite apparent that the scariest thing about this offering is the dialogue...
Sam (upon realising his broseph has become a vamp): "You're a creature of the night Michael, just like out of a comic book! You're a vampire Michael! My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire. You wait 'till mom finds out, buddy!"
Brilliant.



Lastly, a little known but hugely acclaimed Swedish tale of childhood friendship between boy and vampire: "Let The Right One In". I saw this film in Sydney, at a matinee screening with about 20 aussie pensioners who seemed relatively unimpressed/ appalled by director Tomas Alfredson's portrayal of John Ajvide Lindqvist's novel. Idiots. It was excellent.

let-the-right-one-in-x-26799_2

This haunting tale of a young boy, Oskar, who falls in love with a vampire girl, Eli, is captivating, chilling and poignant. Everything from the impressive cast to the bleak, icy setting of Stockholm suburb, Blackeberg, is strangely enchanting.
Fans of gore need not worry either, as although not gratutious, the blood is quite plentiful with the odd decapitation and human combustion thrown in for good measure - it's a horror afterall.
Apparently an American re-make has recently been released, and I probably will get round to seeing it at some point, but to be honest I see no need.

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